Spirit Gifts: Life Goes On...

Every now and again I decide to adopt a gratitude perspective and each time I do I uncover some thought/thing of wonder.  Today's wondering/wandering, while listening to political pundits rail against the wind, led me to read my last post here.  It was written in 2018 and reflected the frightened and sad frame of mind that I embraced.

When I finished reading that brief post I realized that one of life's gifts is life itself.  The process of living day into day makes remaining inert impossible.  Eighteen months after that post, I am starting a new business, sharing a home with my adult daughter who is an everyday reminder of love, and thinking about how to improve the lives of those around me, as I improve my own.

Am I still angry and frightened?  You bet.  But, seeking gratitude helped me realize that who I am and what I have created stand for themselves against the sea of surrounding ugliness.  Gratitude-seeking requires that we pull back and look at our lives through a lens that is simultaneously stripped of reactionary judgement and embracing of what is deeply personal. Gratitude-seeking allows us to view with fresh eyes the moments that make up our days and to reorder our hierarchy of importance.  

So, while I am still disappointed by the swell of racism and nationalism that I see around me, I can acknowledge with compassion the frailties that define today's human experience.  While I am still frightened by all of the people walking through the streets of my American city with their guns and their generalized fear of people who look like me, I am still breathing.  While I worry about the rising tide and rapidly declining ice caps, I am still laughing, working, and dreaming.

I am grateful because living means not giving up. A Luta Continua!  The struggle continues, not with others but within ourselves.  May gratitude find your heart.

2 Years Later...Not Much Has Changed

There was a time when I believed my hard work and commitment would lead to better days, for myself and for the world of which I am a part.

I am not sure now if I should label that old belief naive, egocentric or just foolish.  I'm also not sure what meaning to give to life given that the willfully ignorant and blatantly hateful are at the helm of the most powerful nation on earth.

Whatever it's called, it has led me to sadness, anxiety and confirmation that humans are not really evolved creatures.  That quite likely we are not going to survive the damage we do to ourselves, our fellow living beings and the planet.

What to do now that the curtain has been pulled back and the hollow sound of promise bellows and echos through the Spirit chambers?

12 Days of Reflection

An old work colleague, Kim, posed the challenge to reflect on the passing year by focusing on a refelction suggestion each day for the next 12 days.  I'm excited to engage.  Here is the first of the 12:

 
If you can give a name to 2011 what would it be and what would you name 2012?

I'm tempted to give 2011 a really funky name since it was the 3rd year in a row my employer did not give out raises and the 2nd they reduced pay (one day of furlough the first year and 2 days in 2011).  I was promised a promotion that never materialized and have grown fatter, despite my conviction to become thinner.  My 86 year-old mom had a stroke and became totally dependent upon me.  It looked pretty bad all the way around.

But, what I know is that 2011 was what I made it, funky circumstance and all.  If anything, 2011 was my year of learning to take responsibility for my life.  I started to have the sneaky suspicion that I was standing in my own way.  Yes, difficulties were showing up and lots of them.  Anyone who knows or is a single mom understands what I mean.  Life is tough for all of us but, a woman on her own (no child support, no weekends at Dad's, no protector or confidant) has a battle everyday.  And, that reality kept me feeling sorry for myself.

At least, until I began to hear the whispers in my head that said "change the way you see your Life and you'll change your life".

So, just before my birthday, I made an appointment with a therapist, saw my internist and recommitted to my own happiness.  Each feels like a big move.

To 2011, I name you the Year of Self-Reflection.  As for 2012, I believe it will be the Year of Claiming My Good.

Be well and in joy.

Life Choices

You may have seen this video already (if not, please watch until it ends), but it is a nice reminder that hope and belief in positive outcomes are not frivolous, empty or outdated ways of being; they are simply a choice. In life, we move between hope and despair, positive and negative experiences coloring our view. The trick is to remember not to let the experience cloud our heart or our faith.

If we mean for our world to be better, then we must have a vision of a better world and we must believe it can be created.

This belief is not a guarantee because we know no such thing exists. Belief is simply an expression of faith in the face of both tragedy and accomplishment. Holding fast to faith is not easy to do; calamity often brings pain, trials, obstacles and fear. But, the great gift of being human is the ability to see beyond (or behind) the present moment, even as we acknowledge what is happening, right now.

Today, I reconnected with my world vision because a far-flung friend expressed his fear and it brought to my awareness the untold fears that I have held. But, I am more than my fear, more than my pain, more than all the forces that have carved into my Life those debilitating trenches and injurious potholes that I have had to traverse. Today, I once again made the choice to believe in positive outcomes and to work daily to create them. To do this in the face of the winds of inertia that can keep my words from being heard or cause my ideas to be left on the floor, like litter.

There is still so much for us to do. I offer this video as an opportunity for your reflection and choice.

http://youtu.be/42E2fAWM6rA

Joy & A Glass of Wine, Raised High

Baby girl is managing editor of the national award winning paper at her school. I just can't contain my joy! If you are out there trying to be a good single parent, keep trying, it pays off in the end...

You make your daily sacrifices, choices in the best interest of the one you Love. People criticize, shake their heads, tell you to do it differently. You skirt the edges of paycheck to paycheck, give up a career and cry alone at night.

And then, like some sort of certificate of merit, your baby grows up and starts to make her own decisions. They are good ones. She is happy and fulfilled. She is just at the beginning but it looks bright.

You breathe and smile and acknowledge how full your heart is. You thank God and you plan for your future for the first time in 18 years. You become more spontaneous, start a happiness project, have hope for your own Life again. You thank God and rejoice.

I thank God and I rejoice!

Anonymity

I think I have been away from this blog for so long that anyone who knows me has given up on it. I like that idea because it leaves me free to say anything here. I have been wanting a space where I could be wholly myself - good, bad, indifferent, outrageous, stupid, fearful, tired, smart, wholesome, hard and strong or weak and shaking. I've needed a space where I could express the truth without being overheard by someone who has a different picture of me.

Now that I'm here, I'm going to give internal honesty a shot and maybe I'll be able to take that into every moment of my days and nights.

There's a place I need to go on the inside of my Self but I'm not sure where it is, I have no map and I'm lost. I have the sense that if I can find my way to the core of my being that everything will sort itself. And, not surprisingly, I am hopeful that I'll find my way.