I believe in the power of love.
I believe in synchronicity.
I believe in the power of energy.
Everything can change - in an instant.
If only we allow.
My friend Marijo shared this with us on her blog. The words struck me as so powerfully true and I thought I would post them here. A reminder of the mystery of this energy called Life, of our interdependence and our freedom. Thanks, Marijo, you rock!!!
In other news:
The womanchild had a great weekend away from home. And in proof that she is maturing, she came home with 70% of the money I sent her with and returned it to me. I was pleased as punch and gave it back to her. This surprised her so much she gave me a huge bear hug. I felt like she was my little 5-year old again. Later in the week she went shopping with a friend and returned with a Dave Mathews CD for me.
Maybe this teen thing isn't so bad after all.
Work is in full swing and I'm figuring out how to take care of myself as the world around me goes insane. The oddest thing, is working with people who, because of their very senior status in the organization, assume they are right about things they know very little about. They make pronouncements - "We'll do it this way!" - without listening to the on the ground feedback that advises against such a course of action.
The deference required of authority is one of those real life circumstances that I have reacted to in various ways. These days I present the truth, from my perspective and as fully as possible and then let them do what they will. Unless (and here's where I get myself into trouble, y'all) the decision is going to screw up a piece of work for which I feel responsible. But, I am learning and growing and working around the resistance. I've begun building understanding with those who can influence the powerful know-it-all and voila! Like magic, decisions change and work progresses.
I find myself daydreaming about my vacation in September. It's far off, that's true, but it's close enough in time to imagine and feel and enjoy the possiblity of it. I am truly looking forward to the mountains, the sea and the Love.
Well, time for my 4 mile walk. Live long and prosper...
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Do a Happy Dance
My friend, Marijo, just gave me a friend award! Thanks, Marijo. I have fewer readers since leaving Spaces but, those who do come 'round and share a thought or two are like honey on my tongue. Check out Marijo's blog and share her year of inner adventure.
It's teenager time! The womanchild turned 15 this week and had her last day of school as a freshman. She survived freshman year intact, no obvious wounds to her self esteem, no slips in her grades and a bunch of new friends and general happiness. Whew! Now I get to take a break from carpooling and soccer practice and teenage playdates (which all translate into Mom-the-chauffeur).
Summer means I don't have to get up at 5:00 am to work out but, I can sleep until 6:30 and still get to the gym and then work on time! Yea!! 7.5 hours of sleep instead of 6; it makes a huge difference.
Summer means weeks on my own as the womanchild goes off to Ohio this weekend, to camp in June and then to NY in August. Almost three whole weeks of just me! Time to do my happy dance. Wish I had a man to help me take advantage of the opportunity to let loose. Unfortunately, I'll have to work, so the time on my own will be filled with everyday kinds of things. If you don't have children living with you full time, then you can't really understand what an enormous mental break this time alone will be.
I watched John & Kate + 8 for the first time (about a coupe with twin 6-yr olds and sextuplet 3-year olds. Made me feel as if I had absolutely nothing to complain about - ever. Never-the-less, and I've probably said this before, I Love my child more than Life, but single motherhood wears me out. So, it's these rare and brief respites without her that rejuvenate me and remind me of who I am besides the womanchild's mother.
Week in Review:
Kris Allen won on American Idol! This is the first year I really didn't mind who won. I liked Adam just as much as Kris and thought he had a winning style. I should add that all the teenage girls in my Life were cheering for Kris.
The season of 24 ended and it was a bit anticlimactic. After all the gossip that this was the last season, I expected something a bit more intense. Jack, you let me down, man.
I prepared over the past full work week for a major meeting, which my boss, in 15 min. completely derailed. I think I must finally be mature because I just smiled, moved my notes to the side and let his solo show run it's course. When he was finished, two hours later, I picked up the ball and moved the team forward a few paces. Classic boss stuff, right? Sigh...
Time has slipped while I wrote this and I'm now very late picking my Mom up from my cousin's house, where she was visiting to attend a graduation. So, the chauffeur hat is back on and I better get my butt moving!
Be well and ever better...
It's teenager time! The womanchild turned 15 this week and had her last day of school as a freshman. She survived freshman year intact, no obvious wounds to her self esteem, no slips in her grades and a bunch of new friends and general happiness. Whew! Now I get to take a break from carpooling and soccer practice and teenage playdates (which all translate into Mom-the-chauffeur).
Summer means I don't have to get up at 5:00 am to work out but, I can sleep until 6:30 and still get to the gym and then work on time! Yea!! 7.5 hours of sleep instead of 6; it makes a huge difference.
Summer means weeks on my own as the womanchild goes off to Ohio this weekend, to camp in June and then to NY in August. Almost three whole weeks of just me! Time to do my happy dance. Wish I had a man to help me take advantage of the opportunity to let loose. Unfortunately, I'll have to work, so the time on my own will be filled with everyday kinds of things. If you don't have children living with you full time, then you can't really understand what an enormous mental break this time alone will be.
I watched John & Kate + 8 for the first time (about a coupe with twin 6-yr olds and sextuplet 3-year olds. Made me feel as if I had absolutely nothing to complain about - ever. Never-the-less, and I've probably said this before, I Love my child more than Life, but single motherhood wears me out. So, it's these rare and brief respites without her that rejuvenate me and remind me of who I am besides the womanchild's mother.
Week in Review:
Kris Allen won on American Idol! This is the first year I really didn't mind who won. I liked Adam just as much as Kris and thought he had a winning style. I should add that all the teenage girls in my Life were cheering for Kris.
The season of 24 ended and it was a bit anticlimactic. After all the gossip that this was the last season, I expected something a bit more intense. Jack, you let me down, man.
I prepared over the past full work week for a major meeting, which my boss, in 15 min. completely derailed. I think I must finally be mature because I just smiled, moved my notes to the side and let his solo show run it's course. When he was finished, two hours later, I picked up the ball and moved the team forward a few paces. Classic boss stuff, right? Sigh...
Time has slipped while I wrote this and I'm now very late picking my Mom up from my cousin's house, where she was visiting to attend a graduation. So, the chauffeur hat is back on and I better get my butt moving!
Be well and ever better...
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Groovy, Baby
I'm feeling groovy today.
Groovy,
like the 59th Street Bridge song,
Sammy Davis, Jr.
or
Wes Montgomery when he was
Bumpin' on Sunset
I am
in a
good groove.
Like I'm
inside my first new car;
(ROAD TRIP! )
sunroof open
stars overhead
night air blowing through
95 miles an hour
and
no flashing blue lights
concerned with my recklessness...
Groovy,
Groovy,
Groovy baby.
Every now and again
some stray melancholy thought
attempts to gain my attention
and sober me up.
But,
this rhythm is too hypnotic
the air too fresh
and colors too clear
for worrisome thoughts.
I leave them for another day,
some later day when
I have time for
mourning loss
or moaning stress.
Today, though,
is just too ripe,
with its clear blue sky;
its sunrise celebration
has left all the birds
chattering on about its beauty.
Today is too full
of the powerful sway of my hips
and the soulful song on my lips
as I take Center Stage
in my own Life.
Too perfect of a day
to spend any way
other than
heart open
mind clear
and
groovin'.
Peace and Love, y'all!
Groovy,
like the 59th Street Bridge song,
Sammy Davis, Jr.
or
Wes Montgomery when he was
Bumpin' on Sunset
I am
in a
good groove.
Like I'm
inside my first new car;
(ROAD TRIP! )
sunroof open
stars overhead
night air blowing through
95 miles an hour
and
no flashing blue lights
concerned with my recklessness...
Groovy,
Groovy,
Groovy baby.
Every now and again
some stray melancholy thought
attempts to gain my attention
and sober me up.
But,
this rhythm is too hypnotic
the air too fresh
and colors too clear
for worrisome thoughts.
I leave them for another day,
some later day when
I have time for
mourning loss
or moaning stress.
Today, though,
is just too ripe,
with its clear blue sky;
its sunrise celebration
has left all the birds
chattering on about its beauty.
Today is too full
of the powerful sway of my hips
and the soulful song on my lips
as I take Center Stage
in my own Life.
Too perfect of a day
to spend any way
other than
heart open
mind clear
and
groovin'.
Peace and Love, y'all!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Happy Mother's Day
All told, Mother's Day was a good one. The 3 generations of women in my household were generally kind and loving towards one another, had a very good dinner together at one of our favorite restaurants, exchanged cards and gave thanks for another year of togetherness.
As I sat across from my daughter and my mother this evening, I couldn't help but think how we've changed and grown. My mother, older and frailer (though generally in excellent health) and my child knowing everything, when just a few years ago she thought I knew everything.
As for me, the past ten years have been extraordinary. Hard in many, many ways but not without relief. I have learned, in this time, to see the reality of my Life without softening it with the visions in my head. What is, is. That doesn't mean things can't be changed for the better, just that the often harsh reality of the moment is not diminished by the dreams of tomorrow or the wishes of today.
I have accepted that there are ideas and dreams I once held closely and worked hard for that will not come true for me, at least not in this Life. For a long time I was deeply saddened by the idea of lost opportunities, disappointed at not having been chosen and not choosing wisely. I wished with all my heart to spend my days and nights Loved by a good man. I kept thinking he was just around the corner, or just confused or too distracted. That he would, one day, wake up and recognize me or meet me at some gathering of friends or stop me to return my daughter's lunch box, mistakenly taken by his child.
LOL, I do enjoy my imagination!
Thankfully, the years have passed and I have come to understand that what is, is also good. What I hold in my heart for the ones I love is deep and true. I realize I will not have a fairytale ending but the Love I share today is fulfilling, if not in every way then in most of the ways that count. Most importantly, I have realized that I am not afraid of being alone. It is certainly harder, but it is my Life and I am glad to have each breath.
I finally feel, at 52, free to Live. It's nice to have shed many of the expectations and cultural tales that I was raised upon. All the gender stuff (it wasn't until I became a single mom that I truly understood why women put up with barely tolerable marriages) that says you must find your prince. I just assumed mine was always right around the corner. But, what if there is no prince for you? What then?
Now, that I have let go of the idea, it's freeing in the same way that having my child grow up is freeing. It hurts some and makes me a bit anxious but, it's Life - real Life and cannot be denied. Oddly, I feel that more is possible now that I have accepted that somethings simply are not probable. Does that make sense? I've been thinking hard about what will come next and I'll share some of it with you in later posts.
My child is my greatest blessing, yet the teenage years are proving trying. I see myself in her and see all her missteps laid out in front of her. Confidence and independence are good but can be overdone. She won't hear me when I try to slow her down and I can do nothing but let her discover on her own how her strengths can also be weaknesses when overplayed. But, she is at the beginning and that is what the beginning is for.
Each Life is short, no matter how much time is granted. Too short for sadness, for disappointment, for longing or for missing the joy that is right in front of you.
So, it was a good Mother's Day, I hope it was for you, too!
p.s. I performed my monologue on Saturday and received heartfelt and spontaneous applause from my acting classmates! It felt soooo good. Next set of classes start May 30th and I can't wait. Then, in the fall, it's the Film series - look out Forrest Whitaker, maybe I can be your leading lady one of these days! LOL!!!
As I sat across from my daughter and my mother this evening, I couldn't help but think how we've changed and grown. My mother, older and frailer (though generally in excellent health) and my child knowing everything, when just a few years ago she thought I knew everything.
As for me, the past ten years have been extraordinary. Hard in many, many ways but not without relief. I have learned, in this time, to see the reality of my Life without softening it with the visions in my head. What is, is. That doesn't mean things can't be changed for the better, just that the often harsh reality of the moment is not diminished by the dreams of tomorrow or the wishes of today.
I have accepted that there are ideas and dreams I once held closely and worked hard for that will not come true for me, at least not in this Life. For a long time I was deeply saddened by the idea of lost opportunities, disappointed at not having been chosen and not choosing wisely. I wished with all my heart to spend my days and nights Loved by a good man. I kept thinking he was just around the corner, or just confused or too distracted. That he would, one day, wake up and recognize me or meet me at some gathering of friends or stop me to return my daughter's lunch box, mistakenly taken by his child.
LOL, I do enjoy my imagination!
Thankfully, the years have passed and I have come to understand that what is, is also good. What I hold in my heart for the ones I love is deep and true. I realize I will not have a fairytale ending but the Love I share today is fulfilling, if not in every way then in most of the ways that count. Most importantly, I have realized that I am not afraid of being alone. It is certainly harder, but it is my Life and I am glad to have each breath.
I finally feel, at 52, free to Live. It's nice to have shed many of the expectations and cultural tales that I was raised upon. All the gender stuff (it wasn't until I became a single mom that I truly understood why women put up with barely tolerable marriages) that says you must find your prince. I just assumed mine was always right around the corner. But, what if there is no prince for you? What then?
Now, that I have let go of the idea, it's freeing in the same way that having my child grow up is freeing. It hurts some and makes me a bit anxious but, it's Life - real Life and cannot be denied. Oddly, I feel that more is possible now that I have accepted that somethings simply are not probable. Does that make sense? I've been thinking hard about what will come next and I'll share some of it with you in later posts.
My child is my greatest blessing, yet the teenage years are proving trying. I see myself in her and see all her missteps laid out in front of her. Confidence and independence are good but can be overdone. She won't hear me when I try to slow her down and I can do nothing but let her discover on her own how her strengths can also be weaknesses when overplayed. But, she is at the beginning and that is what the beginning is for.
Each Life is short, no matter how much time is granted. Too short for sadness, for disappointment, for longing or for missing the joy that is right in front of you.
So, it was a good Mother's Day, I hope it was for you, too!
p.s. I performed my monologue on Saturday and received heartfelt and spontaneous applause from my acting classmates! It felt soooo good. Next set of classes start May 30th and I can't wait. Then, in the fall, it's the Film series - look out Forrest Whitaker, maybe I can be your leading lady one of these days! LOL!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)