Sunday morning coffee has to be one of the best of Life's gifts. I once would have coupled that with the NY Times and later a walk through Central Park but, having recently experienced 14 degrees, snow, ice, and winds of 18 mi. an hour on a Sunday in NYC, I'll just stick with the coffee.
I'm thinking of all of the little things I have that make my Life better this morning because the troubles of a good friend have reminded me that I have much. She has been suffering more and more of late; diagnosed as mildly bi-polar, menopausal and with issues in her pituitary gland. My friend is in a constant battle with her mind and body and there is nothing I can do to help except listen and be there.
As I mature, I realize more and more how necessary these two things are. We all need someone to be fully present for us, to hold our needs, in any given moment, as important. We need to have someone that we can connect to beyond pleasantries and family matters; someone we can trust enough to share the things that frighten, overwhelm and buckle our knees. Someone who will listen and be there.
It makes me wonder a bit about this self-sufficient Life I have constructed. Partially out of need and partially due to fear of disappointment/betrayal (family legacy, I suppose) I have created a do-it-yourself way of being. I have learned to ask for help here or there but, I am far more comfortable giving than receiving. And, that's okay I think, as long as I'm giving to me too.
Watching and listening to my friend I realize how little we give to ourselves. So much time and energy is spent making sure the children, spouses (in her case) and parents (in my case) have what they need that there doesn't seem to be enough time to do more than have a glass or two of wine, a few pages of a book or a couple of hours of tv. That's not nearly enough.
We are left to pay the price of our neglect; deteriorating health, diminished capacity for joy, lack of learning, stretching and growing. The biggest difference between my male and female friends is that the majority of the guys take classes or have hobbies of some kind - martial arts, guitar, cars, airplanes, photography, tennis, etc. My female friends (unless their children are grown and they are not co-parenting grands) do none of that. They don't have the time.
Why is that? The answers are complex and include social and economic as well as individual realities. But the question deserves to be considered.
No matter whether you are male or female, take a little time to reflect on your Life. If you are missing a key ingredient make it your top priority to include time for what you need and want. The price for neglect is far too high.
Live high, live mighty, live righteously and remember to take it easy...
5 comments:
Interesting comtemplations. Makes me appreciate a wonderful friend I've had for 26 years. She's been there for me and I've been there for her in bad times and in good. Thanks for reminding me to thank her for her friendship.
It's true we don't always give enough to ourselves. But if we don't regularly take the time to unwind and breathe and let go, we end up too stressed to help anyone else properly. Our psyches can't be taken for granted for too long.
Gayle, this is a lovely post. I never had girlfriends until about four years ago....I wrote a post about them on the blog. I didn't even know what I was missing. You are so right that these beings who are always there to just listen and not judge if nothing else, are a rare and wonderful gift.
This post really resonated with me as I raised three children alone and my husband has Alzheimer's.
While I am most grateful for my blessings, I have had to work really hard for them and there has never been enough leisure or money to spend on myself. Since I was also raised to believe that considering my own needs was selfish, it has been a struggle to realize the simple truth that I count, too, and that I cannot continuously give from an empty well. None of us can, and good friends help us to know our worth as well as theirs.
One of the guiding principles I've always tried to follow is that "Life is short and uncertain - eat dessert first." Yes, we need to turn outwards, aid others, but we can't afford to neglect our own needs, or we'll have little left to give. Be well,
J.
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