All The Truth I Know About Love

I've been thinking about what to tell my daughter that will give her the truth (or at least as much of it as I know) about all sorts of things. Work, Love, anger, opportunity, family and Life. There is so much to say that rarely gets said on the morning ride to school or Thursdays after soccer.

I want to tell her about Love in a way that is neither jaded nor rooted in fairytales. I've been twisting around in my head and heart the words that would express what I have lived and believe and they never seem to come out right. But, if I don't get something out and down, what I mean to say may never be written. So, at the risk of telling far too much and not enough simultaneously, I'm taking my shot.



Love does not require anyone else. In fact, the first love is always ourselves. Most of what we do in Life are attempts to meet the needs of our Self, to support our Self, to keep our Self safe; in other words, to Love and care for our Self. And that's very important, essential even, and it can get in the way of being open enough to Love others.



Loving others does not mean they will Love you back. This is true for all forms of Love. It is likely that you will meet others whom you want to know better. Some you will want for friends, others as Lovers. But, you can never predict their response to you, nor should you try. My strategy has always been to just put it out there. Hey, folks, let's try a little of this Love stuff! It feels good and it's good for you too! While it hurts a good bit when it's unrequited, it seems more honest to state the case as is.



I have also noticed that my openness can make it difficult for my dance partner. If they are not feeling what I feel, they have the burden of letting me down. And that can be difficult, I suppose. Especially when it is just as easy to take what's being offered and pretend to feel the same. Which leads me to...



Just because it looks, sounds and acts like Love, doesn't mean it is. Love has a gentle face and most people, especially those who are attracted to you, find it easy to don this face in the beginning of a relationship. But, attraction or passion are not Love. Love can be built, over time, as a result of attraction but does not automatically or of necessity flow from it. In the beginning, relationships usually feel good (if one doesn't, for any reason, you should end it). But, the beginning is just that - the time that is long before you really know a person.


Love is the most joyful and hurtful state you will ever experience. It is a paradox, truly. It does not mean equal parts of each, however. But, no matter how close and caring two people are, they cannot avoid hurting one another. To be in this human form, which by its nature means we have only a limited understanding of how deeply connected we really are, guarantees misunderstanding, moments of self-absorption, fear of any number of things and a simple lack of time. Even for the most conscientious partner, one or more of these things will cause upset to their beloved.

Love is a gift to be cherished. No one owes you their Love and care nor should you take it lightly when you see someone is sincere in their offer of Love. Even if you don't share the others feelings, their feelings (and yours) are worthy of respect. A kind 'No' is far better than pretending 'Yes'. In the end, the insincere going along is much more hurtful. Love must always be honored with truthfulness, tenderness and patience.

Never take yourself too seriously. If you can find it in your heart to laugh at yourself; at your petty gripes, your excessive needs and your irrational fears, then you may have a shot at cultivating Love.

My darling girl, I am sure I have not said more than a drop in the ocean of what is needed and I will likely revisit and revise this over time. For today, I hope it is enough. Watching you grow and blossom, I wish for you all and only the best of Love.

Mommy