Time's Not Marching - It's Running!

It's a little weird being the mom of a teenager when most grandmothers are my age, comfortably. I feel as if I missed a step. When everyone else was going through their mid-life crises I was raising a toddler/young child. Now, it's too late to have one.

I seem to have fast forwarded straight to grappling with mortality. Not that anything is wrong with me physically, I just feel (and much to my chagrin, look) so much older. Just like my womanchild was a baby last week and a full blown teen this one, I feel as if I was a youthful 35, only yesterday. I am continually shocked to find that yesterday was almost 18 years ago!

The music I partied to is now beyond classic and old school. Thank goodness Michael Jackson, Madonna and Prince are all aging too! But, it doesn't really help that my generation's icons are dead or fighting to keep their careers viable.

At work, I am confronted with the fact that there are many things I could learn to do but, it's doubtful that I will take the time or be offered the opportunity. Like, writing programming code. Last week, I attended a training that required familiarity with writing in code. I get the concept but that's as far as my skill level goes. I had an easy time at the training because it was very basic but I could also see all of the things I won't be able to do with this tool because I don't have the requisite skill set.

The only comfort is that I will probably lead the people who do know how to write the code and I will be responsible for keeping the project moving and ensuring that the end product works for my organization, from the user's perspective. Up until now, I always had some of the skill I required of those who worked for me. They often held more expertise in specific areas but, in a pinch I could substitute. Not so anymore.

I'm not complaining because I understand this is just forward movement. It just feels uncomfortable, like I'm off balance. I'm sure I'll get used to it.

Now for the fun stuff! I've won tickets to see The Fray from a local radio station and in less than 2 weeks I'll be on vacation!!! Sun, fun and Love. That's a wonderful combination.

Lucky me!

Making Adjustments

It occurred to me, this afternoon while putting groceries in the car, that I am not as happy as I would like to be. Now, if someone were to ask me if I am happy, I would likely respond "yes, relatively so". I certainly don't think of myself as unhappy.

But, as I was loading the car and my daughter was standing next to the cart staring off into space, I suddenly became annoyed, said something flip and then, was huffy (in my mind) as I finished up.

I realized that what I would have preferred to have done would have been to simply ask her to help me; without frustration or sarcasm. It was a small exchange but it was telling.

I've been having more and more experiences like that one. Seconds after I react I realize that I could have made a different choice. I feel as if I spend a great deal of my time under stress, frustrated or annoyed. Trust me, that is not how I want to live this life.

So, I think that I need to make a few adjustments, fix a few things - my attitude, for starters. I believe I have a disposition that appreciates and gravitates towards joy and peace. I like calm and comfy. But, the world around me is too often in full forward blast and I have forgotten the needed coping skills to maintain balance and create my joy. Once upon a time I think I did pretty well. These days, however, I feel spiritually lazy; like I have let good habits slip and replaced them with my thoughtless reactions.

I want my reactions to be joyful or to at least start at neutral. That means back to meditation (no matter how hard it seems to clear my jammed to the rafters brain) and continuing my physical exercise; it means intentionally seeing the beauty and joy in the little moments of my days and being grateful for them. Ok, that's my homework for the next 6 months.

It's not all work, though. There is fun and joy in my future! In September, I'm off to visit one of my favorite men and have a relaxing and grown-up vacation. This is my first vacation without the womanchild since she was born. I'm looking forward to starry nights, balmy days and the connecting kind of Love that is shared with someone who holds you in their heart. It's the kind of R&R that I really need.

May your future be filled with the best Life has to offer...

My Life According to Dave Mathews

I saw this posted on the fb page of the teenage daughter of one of my friends. It peeked my interest so I thought I would play it here. Play and pass it on, if you like!

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. You cannot use the name of the artist I select. Do not repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "My Life According to (BAND NAME)"

As the teenager aptly put it "I'm a dork for doing this!" But, so what? I've been a dork for so long it doesn't matter at all!

Pick Your Artist:
Dave Mathews (but, you knew that, didn't you?)

Are you a male or female?:
Dreamgirl

Describe yourself:
Steady As We Go

How do you feel:
So Damn Lucky

Describe where you currently live:
American Baby

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
Stolen Away On 55th and 3rd

Your favorite form of transportation is:
Satellite

Your best friend is:
Pleasure and Pain

What's the weather like:
Typical Situation

Favorite time of day:
Rising Stars

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
Funny The Way It Is

Your relationships:
Stay or Leave

Your fear:
You Might Die Trying

What is the best advice you have to give:
Everybody Wake Up

If you could change your name, you would change it to:
Smooth Rider

My soul's present condition:
Hunger For The Great Light

Your Motto:
Don't Drink The Water

And, there you have it. What's the story of your Life?

Soul Survivor

Well, it's been awhile and aside from working like a slave (hard and without remuneration beyond basic needs) I haven't had time to do much. Most days when I was dragging myself home, I could get myself pepped-up and pumped by some of my new music.

Here is where the womanchild enters the scene - most of the songs/artists were her suggestions!

Now that may seem reasonable but we have very different tastes. Babygirl likes here hipitty hopitty thump and bump music. So, for us, it shows either a real sense of maturity in her taste in music or a loss of standards on my part. I tend to like music with feeling, meaning and complexity. I can't say every song I've been jamming to lately has all 3 qualities but, 2 out of 3 ain't bad and a few have them all.

So here goes my hit list:

Dave Mathews Band - Shake Me Like A Monkey
Dave Mathews Band - Funny The Way It Is
Dave Mathews Band - Laying In The Hands of God
Kris Allen - Heartless
Parachute - Back Again
Parachute - The Mess I Made
Parachute - Blame It On Me
Pink - Sober
The Script - We Cry
The Script - Breakeven
Adele - Right As Rain
Beyonce - Halo (I find myself singing this and enjoying the feel of it)

I hope there's good music in your world, keeping you sane, moving you forward, bringing you pleasure.

Here's to next week and having something to write about!