Well, it looks like the bug that has felled stronger folk than me has finally bitten me. I came home from work with chills, incredibly bad gas, stomach churning, runny eyes and an all around yucky feeling.
The upside of my day was walking into my bedroom and seeing that beautiful bed just waiting for me to snuggle in, pull up the comforter and close my eyes.
Pass me the tissues, I'm going to sleep.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Everyday Comings and Goings
There's a good bit going on in my Life. Nothing to spend paragraphs elaborating on yet it's enough to keep me hopping.
Work is a flurry of grant writing, project management and trying to keep the new co-worker (my team lead, 15 years younger than me, convinced no one else has a working brain, highly insecure and, unfortunately for us, in a position which has just enough authority to make us grind our teeth at her condescending questions and nonchalant hair flips) off my round, tan behind. She's a blond bombshell waiting to implode. I just want to make sure she doesn't destroy anything (or anyone) I'm attached to.
The teenager is fine. School is biting her a bit and she is tired of the grind. We just finished applications for high school. She made it into the public school we were hoping for so, I am a lot more relaxed where that is concerned. Now, we're waiting to hear from the one private to which she applied. Great brain that she is, she scored in the 91st percentile for students applying to privates and the 97th percentile for all students, on the private school entrance exam, the SSAT. I believe the school will accept her, the only question is whether they will give her enough aid to make it possible for her to go. We'll know by the 1st week in April.
Speaking of which, the child wonder and I are off to visit one near and dear to my heart, during early April. It has been at least 20 years since my last visit to England and I can't wait to get there. My friend, Paul, has planned a full trip for us, filled with his family, city/country sights and celebration. It'll be the old man's birthday just after we arrive so we're bound to find/make a party!
I signed up with a trainer and then immediately stopped going to the gym. What the devil is wrong with me? But, I'm working my way back on track. I have an appointment with him next week and I'm looking forward to the workout.
I think that's it. Whatever else there is isn't worth the telling.
If the joke is good, laugh, even if you're at the center of it. After all, nothing cures what hurts like a good, heartfelt laugh.
Later gators...
Work is a flurry of grant writing, project management and trying to keep the new co-worker (my team lead, 15 years younger than me, convinced no one else has a working brain, highly insecure and, unfortunately for us, in a position which has just enough authority to make us grind our teeth at her condescending questions and nonchalant hair flips) off my round, tan behind. She's a blond bombshell waiting to implode. I just want to make sure she doesn't destroy anything (or anyone) I'm attached to.
The teenager is fine. School is biting her a bit and she is tired of the grind. We just finished applications for high school. She made it into the public school we were hoping for so, I am a lot more relaxed where that is concerned. Now, we're waiting to hear from the one private to which she applied. Great brain that she is, she scored in the 91st percentile for students applying to privates and the 97th percentile for all students, on the private school entrance exam, the SSAT. I believe the school will accept her, the only question is whether they will give her enough aid to make it possible for her to go. We'll know by the 1st week in April.
Speaking of which, the child wonder and I are off to visit one near and dear to my heart, during early April. It has been at least 20 years since my last visit to England and I can't wait to get there. My friend, Paul, has planned a full trip for us, filled with his family, city/country sights and celebration. It'll be the old man's birthday just after we arrive so we're bound to find/make a party!
I signed up with a trainer and then immediately stopped going to the gym. What the devil is wrong with me? But, I'm working my way back on track. I have an appointment with him next week and I'm looking forward to the workout.
I think that's it. Whatever else there is isn't worth the telling.
If the joke is good, laugh, even if you're at the center of it. After all, nothing cures what hurts like a good, heartfelt laugh.
Later gators...
Monday, December 31, 2007
Happy New Year To All
Though there are things to lament in this past year, there are things to celebrate, as well. I remind myself to strive towards my highest possibility and, when I am at my best, that is Love, peace and a Life lived in harmony with the world.
I wish you all a 2008 filled with realized hopes and dreams fulfilled. May your paths be sweet as honey and warm as mother's milk.
Happy New Year!
I wish you all a 2008 filled with realized hopes and dreams fulfilled. May your paths be sweet as honey and warm as mother's milk.
Happy New Year!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
A Holiday Message
In a world where Life seems to rush by,
Where time slips
like new shoes on a freshly waxed and beautiful wood floor
and working through fear and regret
can be a full time job,
There is so very much for which to give thanks.
Thanks
For all the small, mundane opportunities to see the bright and laughable side of Life,
For the triumphs and seeming failures,
For the lens that looks back and forward with a panoramic view
- allowing learning rather than judgment,
For the changes that take place so slowly they are hardly recognizable
until a glance in the mirror reminds us that we have come from there to here;
through the sun showers and tsunamis, the droughts and sand storms.
Here, I stand, thankful
For the gentle spirits that lift me up
with their kind words through phone lines,
on these blog pages and hand-in-hand.
Thankful for the joy and Love that only mothers know,
For the balance that accepts that other Loves may not be mine to cherish.
I am bursting full
of thanks
for this breath
and this breath
and the next;
Thankful that you
and I
are Life,
full of possibility;
we are a miniscule bit of a magnificent whole.
Have a wonderful meal.
Where time slips
like new shoes on a freshly waxed and beautiful wood floor
and working through fear and regret
can be a full time job,
There is so very much for which to give thanks.
Thanks
For all the small, mundane opportunities to see the bright and laughable side of Life,
For the triumphs and seeming failures,
For the lens that looks back and forward with a panoramic view
- allowing learning rather than judgment,
For the changes that take place so slowly they are hardly recognizable
until a glance in the mirror reminds us that we have come from there to here;
through the sun showers and tsunamis, the droughts and sand storms.
Here, I stand, thankful
For the gentle spirits that lift me up
with their kind words through phone lines,
on these blog pages and hand-in-hand.
Thankful for the joy and Love that only mothers know,
For the balance that accepts that other Loves may not be mine to cherish.
I am bursting full
of thanks
for this breath
and this breath
and the next;
Thankful that you
and I
are Life,
full of possibility;
we are a miniscule bit of a magnificent whole.
Have a wonderful meal.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Stop the Violence
There was an email circulating, not too long ago, that asked those who wanted to stop violence against women of color to wear red, on Oct. 31. I forwarded that email to a number of friends of both genders and varying skin hues. A couple of days later I got a sound thrashing from a dear friend of mine. She rightly and not so gently reminded me that violence against women knows no preference for color.
As if it were a precursor, I find myself, after months of not coming here, writing to express my heart ache, rage, fear and my sense of powerlessness over such violence. I do not understand, in my head or my heart, how humans can be so utterly cruel to one another. This week, it is the battered face of a friend that turns my mind round and round. But, I have been here before.
My mother, fearful, intimidated and controlled. Friends, neighbors and co-workers have walked this path. How is it that this horror can go on and on and on? How is it that abusers can keep us so quiet? Not just the family involved, but all of us who know that she's had one too many accidents. Or, those of us who hear the screams and cries through the apartment walls. Even when we know it's happening, when we see the impact on the children and of course on the woman herself we still maintain our silence.
I have stood in this place so many times, too many times. My friend escaped with her Life and now has choices to make that may prove to be overwhelming. Choices that may keep her safe or choices that may literally put her in harms way. She must choose to Love herself after years of subjugating herself to her abuser. She must choose freedom after years of oppression. She must choose to let go of the dream that one day her husband will stop hurting her and start Loving her. And like an addict, she must make that choice over and over again; one day at a time, one moment after the next.
I am so afraid for her and for her children. Afraid for all of the women and children who run in the dark of night to new cities, with new names. I am angry that some men find their power through the abuse of the people who Love them. Who are we humans? Why do we exist? What is the point of all this pain and horror?
I went to South Carolina with my child a few weeks ago and I admitted to her that I don't really trust people. More to the point, though I didn't say this to her, is that I don't trust men to respect me or care for me or treat me fairly. I don't believe in the humanity of my fellow human beings. Frankly, people disappoint and frighten me.
And, when I hear the pain, indignity and rawness of abuse in the Life of someone whom I respect and I know there is not much that I can do to help her, I get this constricted feeling in my lungs. It feels like crying without the release of tears; it feels heavy and deep, like something is lost that cannot be found.
In this United Stated of America, a woman is beaten every 9 seconds by a man. An average of 3 women are murdered in this country every day (by a partner or an ex-) and 1/2 million women are being stalked by men they know as you read this. We are so self-righteous about the status and treatment of women in other countries, perhaps we need to be more honest about what happens between men and women in our own homes, towns and cities.
I'm not sure how I'm going to move through this. I'm starting with volunteering for a local support center that works to end domestic violence. It's what I can do.
And to you, my friends, I apologize for staying away for so long and returning with such a burden.
As if it were a precursor, I find myself, after months of not coming here, writing to express my heart ache, rage, fear and my sense of powerlessness over such violence. I do not understand, in my head or my heart, how humans can be so utterly cruel to one another. This week, it is the battered face of a friend that turns my mind round and round. But, I have been here before.
My mother, fearful, intimidated and controlled. Friends, neighbors and co-workers have walked this path. How is it that this horror can go on and on and on? How is it that abusers can keep us so quiet? Not just the family involved, but all of us who know that she's had one too many accidents. Or, those of us who hear the screams and cries through the apartment walls. Even when we know it's happening, when we see the impact on the children and of course on the woman herself we still maintain our silence.
I have stood in this place so many times, too many times. My friend escaped with her Life and now has choices to make that may prove to be overwhelming. Choices that may keep her safe or choices that may literally put her in harms way. She must choose to Love herself after years of subjugating herself to her abuser. She must choose freedom after years of oppression. She must choose to let go of the dream that one day her husband will stop hurting her and start Loving her. And like an addict, she must make that choice over and over again; one day at a time, one moment after the next.
I am so afraid for her and for her children. Afraid for all of the women and children who run in the dark of night to new cities, with new names. I am angry that some men find their power through the abuse of the people who Love them. Who are we humans? Why do we exist? What is the point of all this pain and horror?
I went to South Carolina with my child a few weeks ago and I admitted to her that I don't really trust people. More to the point, though I didn't say this to her, is that I don't trust men to respect me or care for me or treat me fairly. I don't believe in the humanity of my fellow human beings. Frankly, people disappoint and frighten me.
And, when I hear the pain, indignity and rawness of abuse in the Life of someone whom I respect and I know there is not much that I can do to help her, I get this constricted feeling in my lungs. It feels like crying without the release of tears; it feels heavy and deep, like something is lost that cannot be found.
In this United Stated of America, a woman is beaten every 9 seconds by a man. An average of 3 women are murdered in this country every day (by a partner or an ex-) and 1/2 million women are being stalked by men they know as you read this. We are so self-righteous about the status and treatment of women in other countries, perhaps we need to be more honest about what happens between men and women in our own homes, towns and cities.
I'm not sure how I'm going to move through this. I'm starting with volunteering for a local support center that works to end domestic violence. It's what I can do.
And to you, my friends, I apologize for staying away for so long and returning with such a burden.
Monday, August 06, 2007
Not too much to report.
School starts next week, the womanchild gets back from Orlando tomorrow night and work is still in high gear. Had a good conversation with the boss about promotions and such. We'll see if there is enough follow through to get me my well deserved prize.
I cleaned out my garage on Saturday - give me a cheer!!! It was so full of old clothes, papers, wood, carpet, books and general trash that it took 4 hours of sorting and 3 strong men to load it up and cart it away. But now, when Mom and I pull into the driveway it is like our own little bit of heaven. Nothing to bang our shins upon or snag a sandaled toe. Just open and empty garage space - such small things bring enormous pleasure.
On another note, I've started watching The Closer the past few weeks. Tonight, the man our heroine loves has asked her to marry him. It was such a sweet and well timed proposal I've got tears in my eyes. I do wonder why, craggy as I am, I still hope for Love that is romantic and sweet.
I'd have thought that I would have given up on all that Hallmark induced madness by the ripe old age of 50. But, try as I might to extinguish it, my heart still sparks and warms at the idea that there is a man who would understand, Love and care for me with abandon. I wonder what that's all about - real possibility or the last vestiges of mass hypnosis /socialization/
brainwashing?
Shift/change - I decided to expand my horizons and went to a Buddist meditation recently. Wasn't my first time ever, but the first since arriving in the bible-belted south. It was wonderful and I felt right at home. Funny how one spiritual practice seems to come more naturally than another. I appreciated the time I spent studying the bible (becasue I never really understood the teaching before coming down here), but it doesn't really feel like my path.
Well, that's it for me folks. Be very well each and every day.
School starts next week, the womanchild gets back from Orlando tomorrow night and work is still in high gear. Had a good conversation with the boss about promotions and such. We'll see if there is enough follow through to get me my well deserved prize.
I cleaned out my garage on Saturday - give me a cheer!!! It was so full of old clothes, papers, wood, carpet, books and general trash that it took 4 hours of sorting and 3 strong men to load it up and cart it away. But now, when Mom and I pull into the driveway it is like our own little bit of heaven. Nothing to bang our shins upon or snag a sandaled toe. Just open and empty garage space - such small things bring enormous pleasure.
On another note, I've started watching The Closer the past few weeks. Tonight, the man our heroine loves has asked her to marry him. It was such a sweet and well timed proposal I've got tears in my eyes. I do wonder why, craggy as I am, I still hope for Love that is romantic and sweet.
I'd have thought that I would have given up on all that Hallmark induced madness by the ripe old age of 50. But, try as I might to extinguish it, my heart still sparks and warms at the idea that there is a man who would understand, Love and care for me with abandon. I wonder what that's all about - real possibility or the last vestiges of mass hypnosis /socialization/
brainwashing?
Shift/change - I decided to expand my horizons and went to a Buddist meditation recently. Wasn't my first time ever, but the first since arriving in the bible-belted south. It was wonderful and I felt right at home. Funny how one spiritual practice seems to come more naturally than another. I appreciated the time I spent studying the bible (becasue I never really understood the teaching before coming down here), but it doesn't really feel like my path.
Well, that's it for me folks. Be very well each and every day.
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