I'm feeling groovy today.
Groovy,
like the 59th Street Bridge song,
Sammy Davis, Jr.
or
Wes Montgomery when he was
Bumpin' on Sunset
I am
in a
good groove.
Like I'm
inside my first new car;
(ROAD TRIP! )
sunroof open
stars overhead
night air blowing through
95 miles an hour
and
no flashing blue lights
concerned with my recklessness...
Groovy,
Groovy,
Groovy baby.
Every now and again
some stray melancholy thought
attempts to gain my attention
and sober me up.
But,
this rhythm is too hypnotic
the air too fresh
and colors too clear
for worrisome thoughts.
I leave them for another day,
some later day when
I have time for
mourning loss
or moaning stress.
Today, though,
is just too ripe,
with its clear blue sky;
its sunrise celebration
has left all the birds
chattering on about its beauty.
Today is too full
of the powerful sway of my hips
and the soulful song on my lips
as I take Center Stage
in my own Life.
Too perfect of a day
to spend any way
other than
heart open
mind clear
and
groovin'.
Peace and Love, y'all!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Happy Mother's Day
All told, Mother's Day was a good one. The 3 generations of women in my household were generally kind and loving towards one another, had a very good dinner together at one of our favorite restaurants, exchanged cards and gave thanks for another year of togetherness.
As I sat across from my daughter and my mother this evening, I couldn't help but think how we've changed and grown. My mother, older and frailer (though generally in excellent health) and my child knowing everything, when just a few years ago she thought I knew everything.
As for me, the past ten years have been extraordinary. Hard in many, many ways but not without relief. I have learned, in this time, to see the reality of my Life without softening it with the visions in my head. What is, is. That doesn't mean things can't be changed for the better, just that the often harsh reality of the moment is not diminished by the dreams of tomorrow or the wishes of today.
I have accepted that there are ideas and dreams I once held closely and worked hard for that will not come true for me, at least not in this Life. For a long time I was deeply saddened by the idea of lost opportunities, disappointed at not having been chosen and not choosing wisely. I wished with all my heart to spend my days and nights Loved by a good man. I kept thinking he was just around the corner, or just confused or too distracted. That he would, one day, wake up and recognize me or meet me at some gathering of friends or stop me to return my daughter's lunch box, mistakenly taken by his child.
LOL, I do enjoy my imagination!
Thankfully, the years have passed and I have come to understand that what is, is also good. What I hold in my heart for the ones I love is deep and true. I realize I will not have a fairytale ending but the Love I share today is fulfilling, if not in every way then in most of the ways that count. Most importantly, I have realized that I am not afraid of being alone. It is certainly harder, but it is my Life and I am glad to have each breath.
I finally feel, at 52, free to Live. It's nice to have shed many of the expectations and cultural tales that I was raised upon. All the gender stuff (it wasn't until I became a single mom that I truly understood why women put up with barely tolerable marriages) that says you must find your prince. I just assumed mine was always right around the corner. But, what if there is no prince for you? What then?
Now, that I have let go of the idea, it's freeing in the same way that having my child grow up is freeing. It hurts some and makes me a bit anxious but, it's Life - real Life and cannot be denied. Oddly, I feel that more is possible now that I have accepted that somethings simply are not probable. Does that make sense? I've been thinking hard about what will come next and I'll share some of it with you in later posts.
My child is my greatest blessing, yet the teenage years are proving trying. I see myself in her and see all her missteps laid out in front of her. Confidence and independence are good but can be overdone. She won't hear me when I try to slow her down and I can do nothing but let her discover on her own how her strengths can also be weaknesses when overplayed. But, she is at the beginning and that is what the beginning is for.
Each Life is short, no matter how much time is granted. Too short for sadness, for disappointment, for longing or for missing the joy that is right in front of you.
So, it was a good Mother's Day, I hope it was for you, too!
p.s. I performed my monologue on Saturday and received heartfelt and spontaneous applause from my acting classmates! It felt soooo good. Next set of classes start May 30th and I can't wait. Then, in the fall, it's the Film series - look out Forrest Whitaker, maybe I can be your leading lady one of these days! LOL!!!
As I sat across from my daughter and my mother this evening, I couldn't help but think how we've changed and grown. My mother, older and frailer (though generally in excellent health) and my child knowing everything, when just a few years ago she thought I knew everything.
As for me, the past ten years have been extraordinary. Hard in many, many ways but not without relief. I have learned, in this time, to see the reality of my Life without softening it with the visions in my head. What is, is. That doesn't mean things can't be changed for the better, just that the often harsh reality of the moment is not diminished by the dreams of tomorrow or the wishes of today.
I have accepted that there are ideas and dreams I once held closely and worked hard for that will not come true for me, at least not in this Life. For a long time I was deeply saddened by the idea of lost opportunities, disappointed at not having been chosen and not choosing wisely. I wished with all my heart to spend my days and nights Loved by a good man. I kept thinking he was just around the corner, or just confused or too distracted. That he would, one day, wake up and recognize me or meet me at some gathering of friends or stop me to return my daughter's lunch box, mistakenly taken by his child.
LOL, I do enjoy my imagination!
Thankfully, the years have passed and I have come to understand that what is, is also good. What I hold in my heart for the ones I love is deep and true. I realize I will not have a fairytale ending but the Love I share today is fulfilling, if not in every way then in most of the ways that count. Most importantly, I have realized that I am not afraid of being alone. It is certainly harder, but it is my Life and I am glad to have each breath.
I finally feel, at 52, free to Live. It's nice to have shed many of the expectations and cultural tales that I was raised upon. All the gender stuff (it wasn't until I became a single mom that I truly understood why women put up with barely tolerable marriages) that says you must find your prince. I just assumed mine was always right around the corner. But, what if there is no prince for you? What then?
Now, that I have let go of the idea, it's freeing in the same way that having my child grow up is freeing. It hurts some and makes me a bit anxious but, it's Life - real Life and cannot be denied. Oddly, I feel that more is possible now that I have accepted that somethings simply are not probable. Does that make sense? I've been thinking hard about what will come next and I'll share some of it with you in later posts.
My child is my greatest blessing, yet the teenage years are proving trying. I see myself in her and see all her missteps laid out in front of her. Confidence and independence are good but can be overdone. She won't hear me when I try to slow her down and I can do nothing but let her discover on her own how her strengths can also be weaknesses when overplayed. But, she is at the beginning and that is what the beginning is for.
Each Life is short, no matter how much time is granted. Too short for sadness, for disappointment, for longing or for missing the joy that is right in front of you.
So, it was a good Mother's Day, I hope it was for you, too!
p.s. I performed my monologue on Saturday and received heartfelt and spontaneous applause from my acting classmates! It felt soooo good. Next set of classes start May 30th and I can't wait. Then, in the fall, it's the Film series - look out Forrest Whitaker, maybe I can be your leading lady one of these days! LOL!!!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Chi Town Spring and Summer
The first time I visited Chicago was in September of last year. I fell in Love with it. It was a perfect time of year to be introduced and, though I wasn't there long, it had the right feel and rhythm.
I am happy to report that I will visit again twice in the next few months!!! Yea!
I thought that working on this stimulus grant would be a chore but, as it turns out, there will be perks and rewards. I can't wait to explore the city again. And now that President Obama is in office, I bet the city is buzzing with energy.
So, maybe I'll catch a Cubs game, do some shopping, walk by the lake and hear some wonderful music at an outdoor festival. Sound like fun?
Yep, that's what I'm all about!
I am happy to report that I will visit again twice in the next few months!!! Yea!
I thought that working on this stimulus grant would be a chore but, as it turns out, there will be perks and rewards. I can't wait to explore the city again. And now that President Obama is in office, I bet the city is buzzing with energy.
So, maybe I'll catch a Cubs game, do some shopping, walk by the lake and hear some wonderful music at an outdoor festival. Sound like fun?
Yep, that's what I'm all about!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Sweet, Sweet Honey In The Rock
Ever do something and know, deep in your bones, that what you have done was the absolute best thing? It doesn't happen often, at least not for me, but this month it has happened twice.
The first perfect thing I have done was to sign up for acting classes. I LOVE it!!!! It's two hours of adult make believe and play and serious craft all mixed into one. I have no idea how good I am and whatever the judgment I am fine with it. I am completely enjoying the experience. It's a beginners course so the instructor has appropriate expectations for us - very low. He is wonderful in that he is encouraging, even as he explains that just about everything you did was out of sync with what you were trying to create for the scene. (I'm starting to sound like and actor, aren't I?)
I can't really describe how freeing it is to pretend to be shy or sexy or amused or spiteful or ashamed. To be free to be anything because that is what your character requires - to be vulnerable. I am looking forward to doing longer and longer scenes as the class progresses.
What a fantastic idea it was to take an acting class; if I do say so myself while patting my back quite purposefully.
On to the 2nd super thing I have done! Mom has a birthday on Monday. Her 84th - amazing, isn't it? I overheard a colleague speaking on the phone on Thursday about one of my favorite singing groups and she mentioned they would be in concert here. Of course, I went straight to google, found their website and lo and behold there it was - Sweet Honey In The Rock was coming to Atlanta!
I immediately bought 2 tickets thinking the womanchild and I would attend, forgetting it was Mom's b-day weekend. Once I remembered, I decided we'd take her out to dinner on Sunday instead of Saturday, no problem. But, it just didn't sit well, internally. I knew in my Spirit that Mom would enjoy the concert but, I had already bought her tickets to see a play in May as her birthday gift. And, let's face it, while I am willing to ignore my budget most days, tickets to anything (even movies) ain't cheap and I was sorta breaking the bank by purchasing tickets to two shows in the space of a week anyway.
But, it kept gnawing at me, so I finally gave in and asked the girlchild if she really wanted to see Sweet Honey. Not really, my alternative-rock- and-hip-hop-saturated-child replied. So free of the burden of trying to acculturate the human I gave birth to, I gave a gift to the woman who birthed and raised me. And, she loved every minute of it. I watched her sway and clap and nod her head in time to the music. She turned to me at one point and said 'I just can't keep still'. That, my friends, is the mark of an excellent concert as far as I'm concerned.
And the music made us move and cheer and sing along. If you don't know Sweet Honey here are a few of my favorite selections:
Wanting Memories
Breaths
No Mirrors In My Nana's House
Stay
Redemption Song
Peace
Motherless Chil'
Now, if accapella, spirituals, gospel and african influcenced music are not in your repetoire or not much appreciated by you then, you may want to pass these sisters by. But, if you love complex harmony, natural sounds, heart, power and beauty in your music then, take a listen.
Sweet Honey In The Rock live up to their name.
The first perfect thing I have done was to sign up for acting classes. I LOVE it!!!! It's two hours of adult make believe and play and serious craft all mixed into one. I have no idea how good I am and whatever the judgment I am fine with it. I am completely enjoying the experience. It's a beginners course so the instructor has appropriate expectations for us - very low. He is wonderful in that he is encouraging, even as he explains that just about everything you did was out of sync with what you were trying to create for the scene. (I'm starting to sound like and actor, aren't I?)
I can't really describe how freeing it is to pretend to be shy or sexy or amused or spiteful or ashamed. To be free to be anything because that is what your character requires - to be vulnerable. I am looking forward to doing longer and longer scenes as the class progresses.
What a fantastic idea it was to take an acting class; if I do say so myself while patting my back quite purposefully.
On to the 2nd super thing I have done! Mom has a birthday on Monday. Her 84th - amazing, isn't it? I overheard a colleague speaking on the phone on Thursday about one of my favorite singing groups and she mentioned they would be in concert here. Of course, I went straight to google, found their website and lo and behold there it was - Sweet Honey In The Rock was coming to Atlanta!
I immediately bought 2 tickets thinking the womanchild and I would attend, forgetting it was Mom's b-day weekend. Once I remembered, I decided we'd take her out to dinner on Sunday instead of Saturday, no problem. But, it just didn't sit well, internally. I knew in my Spirit that Mom would enjoy the concert but, I had already bought her tickets to see a play in May as her birthday gift. And, let's face it, while I am willing to ignore my budget most days, tickets to anything (even movies) ain't cheap and I was sorta breaking the bank by purchasing tickets to two shows in the space of a week anyway.
But, it kept gnawing at me, so I finally gave in and asked the girlchild if she really wanted to see Sweet Honey. Not really, my alternative-rock- and-hip-hop-saturated-child replied. So free of the burden of trying to acculturate the human I gave birth to, I gave a gift to the woman who birthed and raised me. And, she loved every minute of it. I watched her sway and clap and nod her head in time to the music. She turned to me at one point and said 'I just can't keep still'. That, my friends, is the mark of an excellent concert as far as I'm concerned.
And the music made us move and cheer and sing along. If you don't know Sweet Honey here are a few of my favorite selections:
Wanting Memories
Breaths
No Mirrors In My Nana's House
Stay
Redemption Song
Peace
Motherless Chil'
Now, if accapella, spirituals, gospel and african influcenced music are not in your repetoire or not much appreciated by you then, you may want to pass these sisters by. But, if you love complex harmony, natural sounds, heart, power and beauty in your music then, take a listen.
Sweet Honey In The Rock live up to their name.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Love Lines
There are no straight lines.
Irregardless of the mathematician's linear regressions
or the philosopher's proofs,
life bends upon itself
and the terrain rises before our eyes again
and again and
again.
Familiar, though different,
each time synchronistically,
we know one another;
by scent,
the opulent curve of a lip,
the flashpoint behind the eyes
and in rare times
one soul to your soul.
Though recognition is no guarantee
of shared time, place or space.
Straight lines are a concept.
Like romance
they live in the mind and cannot be made real
no matter how hard or worthy the try
there is always the immeasureable distance
between points
between hearts.
The trick to tossing up your heart
is to purposefully give it a curve
and then wait,
with untold patience,
to see
who bends back round
and claims it.
Irregardless of the mathematician's linear regressions
or the philosopher's proofs,
life bends upon itself
and the terrain rises before our eyes again
and again and
again.
Familiar, though different,
each time synchronistically,
we know one another;
by scent,
the opulent curve of a lip,
the flashpoint behind the eyes
and in rare times
one soul to your soul.
Though recognition is no guarantee
of shared time, place or space.
Straight lines are a concept.
Like romance
they live in the mind and cannot be made real
no matter how hard or worthy the try
there is always the immeasureable distance
between points
between hearts.
The trick to tossing up your heart
is to purposefully give it a curve
and then wait,
with untold patience,
to see
who bends back round
and claims it.
Friday, April 03, 2009
Spring Has Sprung!
And in true Atlanta fashion. Everything is green and, thanks to the pollen, yellow. A car left outside for more than an hour will be covered in the stuff. Most folk can't believe how outrageous the allergens are here. So, here's a statistic for you:
Today's pollen count is 1,074 and, according to allergy specialists, a high count is anything over 121.
Quite a few of my northeastern friends thought I was exaggerating when I first moved here. They swore I wasn't eating properly (which I wasn't) or drinking enough water (which I was). Bottom line, few, if any escape the runny nose, itchy eyes and bronchial tightness brought on by Atlanta's spring fest.
But, having said all that, combine the pollen with the sorely needed rain we have been experiencing and we may have one of the most beautiful springs ever. I'll make sure to take lots of pics of the flowers as they continue to bloom. This week it's the Dogwood trees and I promised myself a walk in Piedmont Park to catch a glimpse of the beauty. Since it's going to rain again on Sunday, I'll be sure to get out tomorrow.
As is in keeping with Spring, I am feeling energized, optimistic and completely open to possibility! I start an acting class next week with my friend Bryan and I am very excited. He's done a few community theater parts recently, but I have not graced the stage since high school (don't bother counting on your fingers and toes, you don't have enough to calculate how long it's been). I made sure to sign up for the film foundational class because I am a movie and TV junkie. I figure, why not learn how to do the things I enjoy watching.
And, in keeping with that sentiment, I'm taking striptease lessons next!
Hey, Life is meant to be enjoyed. Get out and have a little fun!!!
Today's pollen count is 1,074 and, according to allergy specialists, a high count is anything over 121.
Quite a few of my northeastern friends thought I was exaggerating when I first moved here. They swore I wasn't eating properly (which I wasn't) or drinking enough water (which I was). Bottom line, few, if any escape the runny nose, itchy eyes and bronchial tightness brought on by Atlanta's spring fest.
But, having said all that, combine the pollen with the sorely needed rain we have been experiencing and we may have one of the most beautiful springs ever. I'll make sure to take lots of pics of the flowers as they continue to bloom. This week it's the Dogwood trees and I promised myself a walk in Piedmont Park to catch a glimpse of the beauty. Since it's going to rain again on Sunday, I'll be sure to get out tomorrow.
As is in keeping with Spring, I am feeling energized, optimistic and completely open to possibility! I start an acting class next week with my friend Bryan and I am very excited. He's done a few community theater parts recently, but I have not graced the stage since high school (don't bother counting on your fingers and toes, you don't have enough to calculate how long it's been). I made sure to sign up for the film foundational class because I am a movie and TV junkie. I figure, why not learn how to do the things I enjoy watching.
And, in keeping with that sentiment, I'm taking striptease lessons next!
Hey, Life is meant to be enjoyed. Get out and have a little fun!!!
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