Late Nite Without Letterman

I shouldn't fantasize about you again;
enough should be enough.
We've had our brief time for this year
or maybe these years
so, my mind needs to find a new focus;
needs to shift into another gear.

Instead, I am betrayed
by a steadfast Love
which will not fade,
nor gracefully whither
even after decades of your intermittent presence.

Desire for you should have dissipated
into the Life that surrounds me
So that, at 2:00 am,
I would be sorry that I could not clearly recall your face,
wistful, that my memory is not quite as sharp as it once was,
I would be drowsy and dropping back into a sound sleep.

Oh, but the gods are full of folly and tricks!

Because, at 3:30 am
(having felt every passing moment)
not only can I recall the tiniest lines
edging out from your dancing eyes but,
I can feel your hands trail lightly across my stomach,
inching slowly towards our desire.

A sudden jolt
and I am at a loss to explain the fear that stabs me.
Perhaps one of us will suffer a serious illness,
or you will grow distant
or some far worse fate that
leaves me
with only my memories
and no possible future where my dreams might,
once again,
have Life.

It is this thought that causes me to sit up
and turn on the laptop
so its clicking keys can record the insanity
which threatens to consume me tonight.

I want to act my age or,
at least act rationally,
and I fear there is no way
to overcome these feelings
of lust, of longing and of love,
except to quietly live my way through them.

(Sigh)
It would be alright,
I suppose,
if I thought you were having a similar experience.
But, Life has brought you complex preoccupations;
big ticket items like elder care, retirement,
and an abundance of middle-aged women.

Besides, you are logical and rational;
you will simply accept this most recent separation
and go about your daily tasks;
making your fun.
(I sometimes wonder
if the time we spend apart ever nips at you)

No,
you,
I am sure,
are sleeping like a log -
a fearless,
sexy,
and loudly snoring log.

If there be any mercy in slumber let it find me...

Ha!

There is no use for this obsession
nor, it seems,
remedy either;
except to hit the save button,
warm a glass of milk and
shimmy deep,
under the covers,
with hope
alone.

Commentary:
This is a tongue-in-cheek piece about how our mental constructs/emotions get in our way. And, sometimes, even when we are aware of it, we can't seem to change them. Or, at least, they take longer to change than we would like. So, we pine and fret and, when consciousness finally starts to rise, we laugh at ourselves and our predicament.
Here's hoping that whenever you are stuck in thought or deed a smile is close to your lips.