12 Days of Reflection

An old work colleague, Kim, posed the challenge to reflect on the passing year by focusing on a refelction suggestion each day for the next 12 days.  I'm excited to engage.  Here is the first of the 12:

 
If you can give a name to 2011 what would it be and what would you name 2012?

I'm tempted to give 2011 a really funky name since it was the 3rd year in a row my employer did not give out raises and the 2nd they reduced pay (one day of furlough the first year and 2 days in 2011).  I was promised a promotion that never materialized and have grown fatter, despite my conviction to become thinner.  My 86 year-old mom had a stroke and became totally dependent upon me.  It looked pretty bad all the way around.

But, what I know is that 2011 was what I made it, funky circumstance and all.  If anything, 2011 was my year of learning to take responsibility for my life.  I started to have the sneaky suspicion that I was standing in my own way.  Yes, difficulties were showing up and lots of them.  Anyone who knows or is a single mom understands what I mean.  Life is tough for all of us but, a woman on her own (no child support, no weekends at Dad's, no protector or confidant) has a battle everyday.  And, that reality kept me feeling sorry for myself.

At least, until I began to hear the whispers in my head that said "change the way you see your Life and you'll change your life".

So, just before my birthday, I made an appointment with a therapist, saw my internist and recommitted to my own happiness.  Each feels like a big move.

To 2011, I name you the Year of Self-Reflection.  As for 2012, I believe it will be the Year of Claiming My Good.

Be well and in joy.

Life Choices

You may have seen this video already (if not, please watch until it ends), but it is a nice reminder that hope and belief in positive outcomes are not frivolous, empty or outdated ways of being; they are simply a choice. In life, we move between hope and despair, positive and negative experiences coloring our view. The trick is to remember not to let the experience cloud our heart or our faith.

If we mean for our world to be better, then we must have a vision of a better world and we must believe it can be created.

This belief is not a guarantee because we know no such thing exists. Belief is simply an expression of faith in the face of both tragedy and accomplishment. Holding fast to faith is not easy to do; calamity often brings pain, trials, obstacles and fear. But, the great gift of being human is the ability to see beyond (or behind) the present moment, even as we acknowledge what is happening, right now.

Today, I reconnected with my world vision because a far-flung friend expressed his fear and it brought to my awareness the untold fears that I have held. But, I am more than my fear, more than my pain, more than all the forces that have carved into my Life those debilitating trenches and injurious potholes that I have had to traverse. Today, I once again made the choice to believe in positive outcomes and to work daily to create them. To do this in the face of the winds of inertia that can keep my words from being heard or cause my ideas to be left on the floor, like litter.

There is still so much for us to do. I offer this video as an opportunity for your reflection and choice.

http://youtu.be/42E2fAWM6rA

Dreams

Many will write about how far this country has come as we celebrate the Life of one of the country's greatest leaders while simultaneously preparing to swear in our 1st black president. So, I will leave the theorizing to them.

I just want to acknowledge the power inherent in this week. Power for a seemingly powerless people; power that proves that no one of us is ever truly powerless.

I still have so many hopes and dreams for this Life of mine and today I can admit to that openly, freely. Today I can feel the power of dreams made real. Not wishes, which require little more than thought and luck. But dreams, those fields of energy that come from the soul, require work and sacrifice and a bit of luck, too. I must admit that I have confused the two in my lifetime and paid the price for my confusion.

Today though, dreams feel like an option. There is power surrounding us; it's in the charged air, the open hearts and the grateful souls that line the Mall in Washington, that sit in classrooms and in bars, that sing in choirs and with guitars in coffee houses; it's in the poetry that will be dedicated to this moment in time, to our moment in time.

Use that power while it is here, let it move through your Life. Get to work on your dreams. Right now.

The Year of Thinking Differently

First, Happy New Year. May 2009 be your best year ever.

Now, for a little of what I've been thinking...

I decided not to make a list of my desires this year. I have desires, of course, but this year it seemed that making a 2009 list of resolutions and wants was just more of the same. You see, some things on my "would be - should be" list have been there for a long time and, while I am perseverant, I am also practical. Something's gotta give and I think it might be me!

If it's true that the wise do not put new wine in old skins then, perhaps a change of skin is in order. I mean, how can I Live the Life I desire, living the way I do?

I do believe that your thoughts ultimately create the Life you lead; that each decision, each action is preceded by thoughts which substantiate it, making those decisions and actions seem reasonable. The sum of our actions (barring unforeseen external events) lead us along the path that creates our Lives. So, more of the same thinking won't lead me to my desires, won't create the path I want to walk.

This is the year of changing perspective of thinking in new ways , of asking "What if I do it differently?". Now, I'm not talking about quitting my job or selling my home. I'm not interested in running away from the externals in my Life. I am interested in changing the thoughts that create the seemingly small, everyday choices that I make. I'm thinking about shifting my inner core; of confronting those thoughts that are based upon fear and disappointment and the neglect I've experienced. Those thoughts that would have me play it down, play it safe or not play at all, that explain to me why I am not quite good enough.

So, my commitment for this year is to change my mind; to clear it daily through breath and meditation and to allow myself to experience the world and my Life in it with fresh eyes.

This is the year of thinking differently.

Living In A Black Box

Some may have noticed the little black box to the right.

It has become my preferred surfing vehicle. It has everything I need in a ride - it's shiny, attractive, asks me to ponder Life a bit and takes me to new and interesting places. What a pleasure! Everyone should have one.

You're welcome to take a ride anytime. If you arrived here using your own Black Box, please say hello and come back anytime.

If you want one of your own, just click the link below the box.

The World As I Know It

I am more disgusted with government than I have ever been and that is saying a lot.

I have listened to the Sec'y of the Treasury, Henry Paulson, Jr. explain why we need to bail out the financial industry, and I support that strategy, with conditions. But, I have also heard him say that there will be no constraints on earnings for CEOs. They will be free to evidence poor performance and still receive millions in compensation. Hearing that I am left to wonder how that can make sense to anyone.

Paulson is right when he says we don't have a lot of time to figure this out. But, I wonder why he and the rest of the Republicans kept telling us everything was okay, this past year. Don't worry about the price of oil, don't worry about the downward slide of the market, don't worry about the mortgage markets, it'll all be fine. Don't worry, be happy?

I predict that if we maintain the status quo (the conservative dog-eat-dog-I-got-mine-tough-shit-if-you-didn't-get-any policies of the past 30 years), those who made millions off of the predatory lending practices (inclusive of credit card debt) and extraordinary gas profits (another cause of our current state) will likely continue to prosper while the average American will see her taxes increase enormously while her standard of living plummets.

The concentration of wealth in this country has been squeezing the middle class and poor for so long that I think most people believe this is how it should be. And, as long as we could be kept happy, with that new house and new car and new debt, we were willing to go along. Well, that is our shame. But, who bears/bares the shame for laying the table full of nothing but dessert and pretending it's a nutritious meal? Yes, we ate the eclairs but veggies were never really an option when the government made all its decisions based on protecting and advancing the interests of the wealthy.

Today, there is a lot of outrage and, on the part of the financial leaders who have robbed us for so long, a huge sense of fear. Save us, they cry, or Life as we know it will fall apart. They are asking the American people to share the burden of their folly.

THEY WANT YOU AND I TO SHARE THE BURDEN!!

But these same people cried foul when asked to create programs that would share wealth with the poor or the middle class; they believed we should cut back on funding education, public hospitals and social programs. Now, they want us to share? And I know that we will, because we are so afraid that the little we have will become far less if we don't.

I believe that more than any other mental construct, this is our national shame. Not that we serve our self-interest but, that we so narrowly define our self-interest. We have never really believed that we are deeply interconnected. Even though we attend church services and drop our dollars into the collection plate, we still don't believe. Like Cain, we ask "Am I my brother's keeper?" And shamefully we believe the answer to be no.

In what has been known as the greatest nation on earth we are willing to throw our homeless in jail to get them off the street rather than pay additional taxes to support changing their lives positively and for the long term. We look at our failing neighbor and assume he or she is solely responsible for their lot in Life; unwilling to make the societal changes needed to fundamentally change his/her condition. In this time of crisis, many of us are willing to vote an inexperienced and unqualified woman into office rather than tackle the real and difficult problems of women in poverty (Information on women in poverty).

Our national shame is that we are willing to be coldhearted, calloused and even violent when it comes to anyone we consider to be outside our circle. We saw it shortly after 911 (and continue to see it) when anyone looking remotely like a Muslim was subject to attack. We see it when the subject of welfare mothers is raised (and I am not in favor of long term or generational subsistence policies). The entire world saw it when the global climate change realities (created by consumption patterns that kept the middle class feeling falsely secure and made the rich much richer) hit the poor of New Orleans.

Here, in my town, we have a large group of people on the north side who want to separate from the rest of the city and create a new one. Their reasoning is that they shouldn't have to fund public schools, hospitals or other infrastructure for the poor. Why should we have to pay taxes to support a school system when our kids go to private school, or pay for hospital services for people who can't afford them, they ask. Why, indeed.

The why, in my mind is obvious. Because we are all connected, one mass of humanity struggling to survive on a damaged planet. You cannot ignore the needs and realities of your brothers and sisters and expect to have a healthy family. It is simply not possible.

But, until we can answer Cain's question positively and resoundingly; until we can stand for the least of us as quickly as we will jump to bailout the financial elite, we will continue to bear the consequences of our narrowly defined self-interest.

I know many of my fellow US citizens are thinking seriously about how to vote in this election. There has been talk of elitism and a disconnect from the everyday man and woman on the part of Senator Obama. I'd like to ask you to consider the following:

The challenges we face are far too complex to be managed by an everyday guy or gal. This is the time when you want the smartest, the most level-headed, the least prone to snap decisions, the most thoughtful leader you can find. Now is the time to move away from the legacy of fear and narrow self-interest within which we have been spinning. Now is the time for each of us and all of us to change, deeply; to reconsider our knee-jerk responses to crises and conflict, to move away from the panic button and be thoughtful about our approach to the future.

What we have done in the past 30 years has brought us to this time. Let's face it squarely with strength of heart and truth.

I'm voting for Barack Obama in November because the world as I know it is in trouble and I don't trust the creators of that trouble to help me find my way out.

I am voting for Barack Obama because I believe he can help us become better than we have been.

I am voting for Barack Obama because the answer always shows itself and it seems clear that Obama is part of the answer.

Take good care, one and all...

Unfound

Unaffected.

the late spring heat searches

for a way into my sanctuary.

blades spinning overhead

swhoosh layers of cool and conditioned air

down,

down,

down

to play along my open back

Untethered.

laying here
believing in the possibility of lifelines
that connect my world to another's,
without becoming reins

Unspoken.

the fullness of my heart,
likewise, day-to-day comings and goings,
small choices remain mute,
unshared
and undisclosed;
protected information,
safeguarded,
as if government secrets

Unimagined.

break-up, separation, divorce;
what, years ago, seemed like just bumps
on a long and winding road
became a way of living.
This solitary mammalian life
may bring the means of survival but,
there are too few tender joys
and only sporadic couplings

Unknown.

The lines that make up your smile
the pulse and rhythm of your desire
the true hopes of your heart;
what reason has this poetic sojourn?

Hillary and Obama Make History

Today, I witnessed what I hope is just one of many new firsts. Today a man, whom I believe, represents the best of human values and choices, has become the first black Democratic candidate for President of the United States.

I cannot begin to describe the power and possibility I see within this candidacy. My hope is that his candidacy is the next step in achieving the realization of this nation's promise of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for all its citizens, regardless of gender, color or class.

I was moved by Hillary Clinton's speech today and thankful that she has finally backed the party's chosen leader.

In my heart and Spirit, I pray that Barack Obama will lead us well.

Love to you all...

Personals

a kernel

a nudge

a mild and very pleasing current

across my frontal lobes

stirring impulse

the idea

of you

as poetry

Commentary:
A few days ago I came across a personal ad (a random wandering) with an interesting poetic request. In lovely form the gentleman asked to correspond via poetry. Here is what I sent. I share it because it is the first time I have written on demand and unmotivated by a need to express a strong feeling. I like the way it turned out. Honestly, what do you think?

Not too much to report.

School starts next week, the womanchild gets back from Orlando tomorrow night and work is still in high gear. Had a good conversation with the boss about promotions and such. We'll see if there is enough follow through to get me my well deserved prize.

I cleaned out my garage on Saturday - give me a cheer!!! It was so full of old clothes, papers, wood, carpet, books and general trash that it took 4 hours of sorting and 3 strong men to load it up and cart it away. But now, when Mom and I pull into the driveway it is like our own little bit of heaven. Nothing to bang our shins upon or snag a sandaled toe. Just open and empty garage space - such small things bring enormous pleasure.

On another note, I've started watching The Closer the past few weeks. Tonight, the man our heroine loves has asked her to marry him. It was such a sweet and well timed proposal I've got tears in my eyes. I do wonder why, craggy as I am, I still hope for Love that is romantic and sweet.

I'd have thought that I would have given up on all that Hallmark induced madness by the ripe old age of 50. But, try as I might to extinguish it, my heart still sparks and warms at the idea that there is a man who would understand, Love and care for me with abandon. I wonder what that's all about - real possibility or the last vestiges of mass hypnosis /socialization/
brainwashing?

Shift/change - I decided to expand my horizons and went to a Buddist meditation recently. Wasn't my first time ever, but the first since arriving in the bible-belted south. It was wonderful and I felt right at home. Funny how one spiritual practice seems to come more naturally than another. I appreciated the time I spent studying the bible (becasue I never really understood the teaching before coming down here), but it doesn't really feel like my path.

Well, that's it for me folks. Be very well each and every day.

The thing I love about blogging is the way you can connect to people who you may never meet in the flesh, never hold them through their tears or know the sound of their laughter. And yet, you do and know all those things and more; there are so many intimacies that we share with one another until we feel like friends.

When a friend goes off for awhile we are usually happy for them and look forward to hearing their adventure when we visit their space. Maybe it will take a month or two, but we continue to check back (like so many of you have here) and then smile deeply when they drop by or leave a new picture or share some good (or bad) bit in which they are immersed.

So far, I've had the experience of being afraid for two of my blogger friends (at different times); afraid that they are on thinning ice and the heat is turned up. I'm in that state today because a friend's blog reads of chemicals and disappearing and tiredness. When I visit my friend's blog I can feel how tired he is. You know that space that is beyond exhaustion, where everything seems futile? Maybe you don't know, maybe you are lucky, but he's there and I made an unplanned trip to that space once.

There is nothing I can do to support my friend's safety. I have no phone number, no address, no way to drive by and check on him. I'm not even sure where he lives outside of cyberspace.


If he should, by chance, stop by and read this I want him to know that I am thinking of him and sending Love straight to his heart, that it's ok if everything falls apart, sometimes that's what a Life needs. I want this sweet man to know that there is Life on the other side of complete and utter emptiness, on the flip side of loneliness. On this rapidly spinning ball of dirt, we come to know that it's that very dirt that makes up the fertile ground of Life.

Stand up! I want to shout it at him. I want to wake him up and force him to choose Joy. But it doesn't work that way and I know it. So, I just want him to know that I care for him and have him in my thoughts. I am sending all the energy I can to him so he can find his footing on a good path.

r ddeisyf chan 'm asgre atat 'm anwylyd
The wish of my heart to you 'm anwylyd'