No Angst, No Gory

Life is good! Hectic and a bit crazed and everything is fine. I think my vacation may have hit a reset button inside of me. Whatever, I feel calm and capable. There is something about this time that makes me feel like it's mine.

On January 4th, I wrote of my desire to change my mind. To shed my old patterns of thought and take on new ones to acknowledge that change happens from the inside out. I believe it's working. I'm learning. I am simultaneously more accepting and more open to change. It feels good.

I am reminded of my friend Marijo's affirmation:

I believe in the the power of love.
I believe in synchronicity.
I believe in the power of energy.
Everything can change - in an instant.
If only we allow.

Yeah...

Packing Up My Kit Bag

and taking it on the road.

I'm headed to my favorite city - NY, NY! Work is the primary agenda but I should get to see a few friends while I'm there. I am so looking forward to it. This past week was a bear - a huge grizzly, believe me.

Between my bosses snapping and my co-workers dodging responsibility I was kept on my toes longer than a prima ballerina (and that visual ain't pretty!). But, I made it through (and if the insanity continues into this week, which based upon an article that was published today is very likely) and I won't be around to catch the fallout. Lucky me.

I'll get to see my friend, Michael, who has been struggling, of late. I'm hoping to find him in better Spirits (he seems so over the phone). It will be nice to hang out for an evening or two.

But, before any of that, I have to survive this Giants - Saints game. Come on, NY, you can do better than this! Your hometown girl is sending you winning energy. Can't you feel it??

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Ok, the Giants lost. No, they were obliterated :-(

Here are a few updates:

1. I've started planning the womanchild's Sweet 16 party. I can hardly believe it was almost 16 years ago that she joined us on this journey. Wow. She has asked me not to make it too fancy and though I am usually laid back, I'm having a hard time controlling myself. I see an elegant and beautiful dinner party, with dance floor and DJ. Before I get too carried away, I promise to find out what she sees!

2. I do not like running. I started to type 'hate' but realized that was an exaggeration. Unlike walking, it's not fun. I know there are a bunch of you out there for whom it is a favorite pastime but, I can't wait for my cousin to get better so I can stop doing this 3 times a week. I am still on the easy regiment and yet, it feels like punishment. Luckily, Evlynne is healing rapidly; she's up to walking around the block in 23 min. I figure that means another 8 weeks instead of 10 for the running thing. Once she can walk a mile, my commitment is over. Now, lest I sound completely moronic, I want to add that I am very grateful that I CAN run.

3. My iPod has been surprising me with all sorts of selections I never paid attention to but find I really like. Here are a few:
Always On Your Side - Sheryl Crow & Sting
Stand Up (For It)- Dave Mathews
Liberian Girl - Michael Jackson
Have A Little Faith - All Rebel Rockers
Happiness - The Fray
The Mess I Made - Parachute

Enjoy!

Love Note

I want to write
you
a
Love letter.

Just a word
from my heart to say
how warm
and safe
and easy
Life is
when I am in your arms.

Some message that could convey
my heart's fullness,
my mind's stillness
and the depth of my laugh
when you are in the room.

I wish words would rise
powerful,
like the blood red sunrise
that graces your balcony,
and fill this page
with rhythm and meaning
enough.

But these
simple common words
are all that will flow
from my fingertips...

Dearheart,
I Love you
everyday,
forever.


Update:

Have I mentioned how much better I feel since I started walking? It's wonderful! I sleep better at night, my appetite has decreased and those endorphins are priceless. Today I did a mere 4 mi and I'm completely energized for the workday ahead (yes, it's Sunday and I'll be working, just like yesterday). I started this journey because I wanted to support breast cancer research and, even though I couldn't make the event this weekend, I did raise a good bit of money and created a very good habit for myself.

Now to keep it going!

I've decided to sign up for the 3-day event next year to keep myself motivated. Every year, I discover another woman in my circle who has/is battling breast cancer. So, every year I want to stand up for them (and my Dad's memory). In addition, my cousin Evlynne, who is a fitness consultant/trainer and club manager had hip surgery last week and asked her friends and family to up their workouts as a way of supporting her recovery. So, rattling around in my head had been this slow, steady running program to which I've been afraid to commit. For Evlynne (and for me), tomorrow starts my journey into the run. I don't know if I'll like it, be good at it or have the physical stamina to do it but, tomorrow morning I'll find out.

I figure, even if I hate it, I can commit to doing it until she is back in the swing of things (about 12 weeks) and that should be long enough to push past my anxieties and know if it's a practice I want to continue. While I'm on that journey I will continue to walk on the weekend. I'd like to get in 8 - 10 miles over one or two days.

I have discovered that I enjoy long walks with friends or my iPod; early morning or late evening sky changes, the call of birds and sounds of whatever city I am in floating around me. I feel especially alive when I'm in my walking rhythm; even the aches of the last few miles remind me that I am here, breathing and participating in the natural flow of the universe.

Lucky me!