Meet Me In Heaven

Anyone remember the Clapton song "Tears in Heaven"? I'm not sure what planet I've been living on, but I was only recently introduced to it, though I understand it is a classic.

This morning I'm wondering how we would be different if we met in heaven. Would the 'things' that seem so important to us, that tell us so much about one another - our homes, cars, spouses, the way we look - be important then? Would we be so quick to decide who is worthy and who is not, and what yardstick would we use to measure worthiness?

Many, many moons ago I went to one of the top high schools in the US, located in New York City, where I grew up. It was a public school that required you to test into it. I tested and was accepted. The year before, to ensure an unprecedented level of fairness, the school system allotted a certain number of spaces for children who missed gaining entrance by a small margin and who were members of a 'minority'group' (basically black or hispanic). These children went to a summer school program and recieved remediation that prepared them for the rigorous curriculum of the school. This probably sounds standard to most folk now, but in the 1970's (I told you it was many, many moons ago) it was a novel and controversial concept.

Interestingly enough, during my tenure there I was asked at one time or another by teachers, counselors and almost every other adult in the building about the summer school program. A program I knew nothing about, but being black, it was assumed I attended. Those high school days were my initiation into a world where I would be seen, but not fully seen. My story written by others based upon a physical attribute that I possessed and their perception (often automatic and without conscious thought) of people with that attribute. After the 2nd or 3rd time it happened I started to ask 'what makes you think I was in the summer school program?' That question usually made the adult I was speaking to angry and my Life a little harder, but it did give me a sense of satisfaction to ask it.

Now that I've Lived/survived on the planet for a while, I recognize the many ways we do this to one another. We are all subject to making generalizations and making assumptions about one another that can hinder our relationships. We do it all the time. I remember when I first moved to the south I carried all the stereotypes about southerners with me. One day, lost as I usually am when I move to a new city, I was attempting to merge into another lane that would gain me access to the highway. The vehicle to my right was a pick-up truck driven by a white male with a white male passenger. They were in their 40's, longish hair and the driver was wearing overalls. My instant thought, as I hit my turn signal, was "they'll never let me in". Because, in my mind, they were racist southerners. They looked just like the ones I had seen on tv during the civil rights era.

Need I say that the driver waved me in front of them and I went on my merry way? You see, the truth of that encounter was that I made up a story about those men in that truck, a story for which I had no evidence except the way they looked. I attributed to them a particular attitude and set of beliefs based upon my own history, the history of my people and the history of the country within which I was born. Then, I assumed that they would behave in a certain way because of those attributes. The real truth is that I knew nothing about those men and they behaved with a small kindness toward me. That is really all I can say with any certainty.

How many times a day do we ascribe motives, beliefs, values to others without any evidence or knowledge of what's really going on with them? I think it's more often than we'd probably be comfortable with, if we look at ourselves honestly. And we do it because we are human and we try to make sense of our world. It's not a "bad" habit. In fact, with all the information that comes flying at us every second, we'd be lost and confused if we didn't engage in this automatic way. But, given that almost all of us want to be seen and loved for who we are, as completely as possible, we need to be more conscious of this behavior in our interactions with one another. We need to ask ourselves when judging someone else 'what do I really know is true about this situation and / or this person, and what have I made up, based upon my own beliefs/history/experience?' Then explore the gap.

We've all been unfairly judged, juried and hung by someone at sometime. Let's create less and less of that going forward. Let's imagine we're meeting in heaven. I'll see you there.